Perfect
by KitKatt0430
Summary: All Zelos has ever wanted was to be good enough for his family but he just doesn't seem to be perfect enough. Oneshot songfic to Alanis Morissette's song Perfect


Disclaimer: I don't own this, as much as I wish I did. 'This,' by the way, refers to ToS and Alanis Morissette's song "Perfect."

This came to me a few minutes ago, so I (ignoring my homework like a good little fanfiction authoress) sat down to type this up. It's angsty, but then again, when I write for Zelos it typically does get that way. /Shrugs./ He hides a lot behind that happy mask.

Perfect 

_Sometimes is never quite enough.  
__If you're flawless, then you'll win my love._

Seven-year-old Zelos stared at the painting and then looked up at his mother. The likeness wasn't perfect, but the teacher said it was brilliant. His teacher had called him a prodigy.

His mother had scorned the picture and the puzzled child had taken his art away to the trashcan. It sat there, creased in several places, waiting for the trap to open that evening when it would fall into the sewers with the rest of the day's trash.

Why doesn't she like it? he wondered helplessly. Teacher said it was better art than fifth-grader work… Isn't that good enough for mom?

The bottom of the trashcan opened and the picture floated away.

_Don't forget to win first place;  
__Don't forget to keep that smile on your face._

_Be a good boy,  
__Try a little harder.  
__You've got to measure up  
__And make me prouder._

Zelos stared at the grade standings, absolutely ecstatic. He was third out of the 250 nobles' students attending his elementary. His grades were the third best out of his entire school and first best in his third grade class.

He raced away from the school, heading straight home through the snow. Surely this made him good enough to be loved. He reached his house and burst through the door ecstatically.

"Mom? Mom! The mid-term grades were posted today, Mom." Zelos shouted, unable to curb his excitement. This time she'd smile at him. This time she'd ruffle his hair in that affectionate way other parents would for their children. This time would be different, he knew it had to be.

"Zelos, whatever it is, I don't care. Just… shut-up."

"I'm sorry, Mother," he said softly, shutting the front door behind him with a barely audible click. "I'm first in my class and third in the school. I just… wanted to let you know."

"Not best in the school?" she mocked. "I suppose I shouldn't expect better from the Chosen's child."

I'm you're child too, he wanted to shout. He wanted to yell at her; ask her why she hated her own son. "It's snowing outside… I'm going to play in the backyard." Not waiting for an answer, Zelos walked into the snow filled yard. The icy cold seemed warm in comparison to the hurt within him.

_How long before you screw it up?  
__How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up?  
__With everything I do for you  
__The least you can do is keep quiet._

Zelos' anger didn't last long. It never did. He simply vowed that next year he'd be the best. Next year he'd make his mom proud. Next year…

He was building a snowman that he had originally intended to pulverize when he was done. It was supposed to be an anger management tool, however, his internal frustration was gone again: repressed.

"Not bad, for a brat."

Brats are spoiled by their parents. They're loved, not hated. Zelos didn't reply.

"The snowman needs some work, though," she added, walking around the object with a critical look upon her face.

"It's just a snowman, mother. It's not like an ice sculpture or something meant to be perfect."

"I guess you could say that this symbolizes you."

Zelos turned towards the door, any enjoyment he'd previously found in the snow gone. A sizzling noise erupted behind him, however,and the redhead child whirled around, horror appearing on his face as he took in the scene.

His mother stood just behind Zelos, magic spawned wounds covering her. She fell to her knees and she grabbed his arm, pulling him close. "You should never have been born," she hissed angrily in his ear. She collapsed to the ground; red snow falling around her while the ground turned to a deep pink slush.

The snowman had been torn to shreds.

_Be a good girl,  
__You've gotta try a little harder.  
__That simply wasn't good enough  
__To make us proud._

"How did he die?" "The Chosen committed suicide!" "Oh that poor Seles, she must be heart-broken about that."

Zelos cringed and retraced his steps up the stairs. No one noticed him. They all lamented on Seles' behalf. It was Seles who had known their father, after all. It was Seles who was heartbroken from losing her parents while so young. Never mind that Zelos had lost the same and was now the new Chosen.

Zelos was a strong little twelve-year-old, after all.

Closing his door, Zelos couldn't help but think that the people downstairs had it right. Seles was the one who lost someone she'd known. She was the good child, the one people took pride in knowing.

She had yelled and screamed at him earlier when it had been just them, but Seles' rage hadn't made a full impact on Zelos until that moment. She was right. It was his fault that both their mothers had died. It was his fault that their father had finally killed himself. It was his fault that Seles was locked away in the Abbey for most of her life.

Yet, at the time, all Zelos could think about was why he hadn't been good enough for his parents and sister. There had to be something wrong with him to be hated that much by his blood relatives.

It was easier, in the end, to blame himself.

_I'll live through you,  
__I'll make you what I never was;  
__If you're the best, then maybe so am I…  
__Compared to him compared to her…  
__I'm doing this for your own damn good.  
__You'll make up for what I blew…  
__What's the problem...why are you crying?_

"Big bro—I mean… I see that the Chosen is his usual self, wandering around aimlessly." Seles fixed Zelos with a contemptuous glare. Normally, he'd have just ignored it but, after the friendliness and openness of the group, it felt like she'd stabbed him.

"Yo, Seles!" he exclaimed happily anyway. "I need that Cruxis Crystal I left with you. Give it back to me."

"As you wish," she drawled, retrieving it from her jewelry box. "After all, it rightfully belongs to _the Chosen_." Zelos agreed in an annoyed tone. "Now, if your business here is done, I humbly request you leave. Immediately."

Zelos took the Cruxis Crystal from her mutely, seething internally. "All right, all right… figures I'm still just not enough for any of my family." Zelos whirled around and walked out of the room, down the stairs, and out of the building, collapsing against the side of the house.

_Be a good boy,  
__Push a little farther now.  
__That wasn't fast enough  
__To make us happy._

"Zelos? What are you doing here?" Seles asked, letting him into her room.

"I just wanted to drop by and see my darling little sister," Zelos answered. "That isn't a crime, is it?"

"No." Seles turned away, her stance condescending.

"Lloyd, that brunette guy in the red outfit who was here with me when I picked up my Cruxis Crystal, saved the world. He put Tethe'alla and Sylvarant back together…"

"That guy? He looked like a nobody to me. You should've done it."

"Should've? No, Seles, I'm not that good. I'm not perfect; you of all people ought to know how very aware of that I am." Zelos sighed softly, "they call me a hero in Meltokio, you know. I think they're idiots, though. Lloyd, Kratos… Lord Botta… they were the heroes."

"Lord Botta? I don't recognize that name."

"You'll probably never hear it again. He died to protect the world… he died well, which is what stopped me."

"Stopped…" Seles echoed, turning around to face Zelos.

"He died with purpose and made a difference doing so. I couldn't have achieved the same, no matter how many times I told myself that I was part of the whole thing to make you the Chosen. I wanted you to be happy so that maybe, just maybe, you could learn to like me a little bit. I picked the world over you. I picked living over you and my mom and our dad and all the times you three let me know that I was hated and that I shouldn't really be here."

"Someone told me I shouldn't wish for it all to disappear, that everyone was born with a purpose. I promised them I would stop running away." Zelos headed for the door.

"I'm sorry I can't be the sister you deserve, Zelos," Seles whispered. "I'm not perfect either."

"Then why have you always demanded that I should be so?" He didn't look back.

_We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect._

A/N Yes, I changed the conversation between Zelos and Seles from the game. /shrugs/ Ah, well. I actually like Seles a lot, but she is very stubborn and was raised to hate Zelos.

I have no idea where the idea for this came from. I was originally going to use this song for a different series altogether. Then I had a flash of inspiration and 'voila.'

Please feed the authoress; reviews are approved nutrition.


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